


oh my god...they were in quarantine

by luckystars1015



Series: GinHiji Longshots [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Bottom!Hiji, Domestic Bliss, Fluff, GinHiji - Freeform, GinHiji Week 2020, Hijikata wearing Gintoki's Clothes, M/M, Quarantine, Sharing a Bed, Smut, Top!Gin, Unbearable Sexual Tension, cooking meals for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:33:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24194368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckystars1015/pseuds/luckystars1015
Summary: After a giant alien mushroom infects the city with its spores, Gintoki and Hijikata are stuck at the Yorozuya office for the foreseeable future to both of their dismay. What will come about the tension building up between these two unwilling roommates?
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Series: GinHiji Longshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2045227
Comments: 25
Kudos: 419





	oh my god...they were in quarantine

Honestly, if Hijikata hadn’t needed a warrant to bust through a private citizen’s house, he would have kicked the door wide open to the hovel Yorozuya considered an office. But no, he was still in his uniform, and people would frown upon seeing an officer of the law attempt to strangle a man in his own home. But Hijikata has had enough of the chaos the poor excuse of a functioning adult wreaked on a daily basis. He continued his barrage on the worn-out door, wondering how it could possibly bear the pounding of his fist.

The door suddenly opened with Hijikata’s fist in mid-air and the officer was disgruntled that he hadn’t managed to land a hit on the mongrel that is Gintoki. Lord knew he deserved it. All the lazy fucker did was yawn in the face of Hijikata’s wrath. “Geez, it’s ten in the morning. What is your problem?”

“It’s three in the afternoon!” Hijikata yelled unabashedly as if he wasn’t the one who needed to enforce the noise ordinances in this neighborhood. The police officer had no patience left for pleasantries. He pushed past Gintoki to slam the pile of papers he held under his arm. 

“Come in...I guess,” Gintoki neither has the will nor the energy to fight Hijikata. He had stayed up until sunrise at the pachinko parlor without lady luck by his side, so he was perfectly content with letting Hijikata chew him out for whatever disaster he and his kids got into this week. He was, of course, referring to Kagura and Sadaharu. Shinpachi was the only real adult under his roof.

Gintoki found it to be easier to let the angry policeman blow off some steam before the next shenanigan the Yorozuya crew entangled themselves in. The man sat opposite of him on the couch usually reserved for clients. He offhandedly thought that this resembled a therapy session knowing how Hijikata would soon tire himself out after he released all that pent up stress. 

“Do you see this?!” Hijikata gestured to the mountain of paperwork standing on his coffee table. “These were the reports I had to file this week alone thanks to the havoc your Yorozuya crew wreaked through the city!!”

“Hey, how was I supposed to know that our reenactment of _Dragon Ball_ was actually going to work? Those Dragon Balls looked like cheap knockoffs.”

Hijikata was one minute away from all the blood vessels bursting inside his body. “Why on earth did you then wish for food to rain out of the sky?!”

“I saw it in _Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs_ and didn’t think it was realistic.” Gintoki flashbacked to the avalanche of strawberry ice cream he managed to eat his way out of. “Turns out, very realistic. Hey, don’t look like you didn’t enjoy it, too. I definitely saw you swimming in a pool of mayo.” 

A delicious blush crawled its way up Hijikata’s neck, and Gintoki savored the moments of silence when he managed to catch the policeman off guard. 

“Never mind that! The Shinsengumi had to spend a week to retrieve those Dragon Balls and make a wish to reverse the whole fiasco!”

Gintoki started picking at his ear with his pinky. “Can you please stop ending every sentence with an exclamation mark. Don’t you have a volume control button?” Speaking of buttons, Gintoki was constantly always pressing Hijikata’s and he has had enough of it. 

Hijikata shot up and tried to grab his rival’s sloppy yukata—tried being the key word. He lost his balance on his way up as a massive earthquake shook the foundation of the city. Gintoki managed to catch the man on reflex by wrapping his arm around Hijikata’s waist, much to both of their embarrassment and disgust. 

“What the hell’s going on?!” Hijikata ran to the closest window. He could not believe his eyes. Miles away stood an enormous red mushroom with white spots that appeared out of thin air. He felt that he had seen it somewhere before. Was it some kind of alien infestation? Before he could further investigate, the mushroom contracted and expanded as if taking in a big breath, and promptly blew out a massive plume of spores. 

“Shut the window!!” Gintoki commanded as he pushed Hijikata out of the way to close all the exits to his home. 

“Shit! What is your problem?!” Hijikata said as he rubbed his bruised ass cheek. 

“I had a bad experience with mushrooms once.”

Hijikata didn’t even know how to respond to that. He quickly grabbed the remote to turn on the TV. 

“Citizens of Edo. Return to your residences at once. This is a level 5 emergency.”

“Shit. That’s the highest level.” God, Hijikata needed a smoke. 

“We have confirmed that the large unidentified object that just appeared is the Kyojin Mushroom from the Mushroom Kingdom planet. It has appeared in other countries such as America and China this past month, but this is its first recorded appearance in Japan. According to previous reports, if a human inhales a spore, they become a host of energy for the mushroom. The infection is highly contagious as it is easily passed through air and human contact.”

“Fortunately, the Kyojin Mushroom will die out soon if it is not fed any nutrients through its hosts. The Amanto have a natural immunity to the mushroom’s effect, but can still pass it to humans they are in contact with. Given the severity of the situation, all humans are now placed in an official lockdown until further notice. This situation is looking to be cleared up between two weeks to a month if citizens take heed of our warning and help us limit the spread of the infestation. Citizens of Edo, please stay put in your homes to not put your loved ones at risk. Amanto citizens who are eligible to volunteer...”

The newscaster’s voice faded out as the two men grabbed their phones. Gintoki’s phone was already ringing with Shinpachi’s personal ringtone, a song by his favorite idol, Otsu.

“Gin-san! Are you okay?!”

“Don’t get your glasses in a twist, Shinpachi-kun. I’m stuck at the house with Mayora over here. Are you still at your sister’s house with Kagura?”

“Yes. Nee-san and I are at the dojo, and Kagura just came back from walking Sadaharu before the spores had spread to the city.” They continued talking about the current provisions they had in their household and how to prevent Kagura from depleting their supply in a day. 

Hijikata’s conversation was not going as well. “What do you mean Kondo got infected?!”

“He was on his daily route of stalking—I mean, patrolling the city. I’m looking at him outside the barracks and there’s just a pile of mushrooms sprouting from his head.”

Hijikata felt the migraine pushing against his skull. Why couldn’t he have been at the Shinsengumi barracks when this happened? And of all places to be stuck in, it had to be the Yorozuya office with the bastard himself. 

“As long as he gets to the hospital, he should be fine. The antitoxin has already been developed, but it takes a while for it to take effect.” Thankfully, Hijikata had been keeping up to date with international news and prepared a plan for such a thing to happen. “Sougo, if you look in my office cabinet, you’ll find an emergency preparedness plan for this situation. Look under ‘infectious diseases.’”

“Oh, is it next to your anime figurine collection?”

“No—what?! How do you know about that?!”

“Didn’t until just now,” the sadistic brat chuckled. Oh great, now Sougo had even more to blackmail him with.

He got back to the matter at hand. “What about our other men?”

“Well, about a third of them were on patrol, so I’m guessing they're as good as infected. But the rest should be here at the barracks. Yamazaki is doing a roll call as we speak.” 

Hijikata let out a large sigh, imagining the chaos that would await him once he returned. 

“You worry too much, Vice Chief. It’s not like the Shinsengumi would fall apart the second you’re gone.” That was _exactly_ what Hijikata was afraid of. 

“Why don’t you look at this like a forced vacation? You can’t do much stuck where you are anyhow. And you haven’t had a vacation in what, ten years? The Shinsengumi can handle itself until you return, Vice Chief.”

Hijikata was surprised that Sougo had suggested something like that; it was as if he actually cared for his well being. No, he must be using this opportunity of leadership to plan some sort of mutiny. But Hijikata had no other choice but to trust Sougo with this. “Tell the men that if any of them even _think_ about breaking quarantine—”

“That they should go commit _seppuku_ ,” Sougo interrupted before he could finish. Hijikata could practically hear the smirk on the other side of the phone. “So you’re stuck with _danna_? I hadn’t realized you guys were on such good terms.”

“What are you talking about? We were already at each other’s throat before this. I’m going to kill him before this quarantine is over.”

“Or fuck him.”

Blood rushed up into Hijikata’s cheeks so fast that his head was going to combust. Why would he say something as ridiculous as that?! Furious mortification blinded his senses as he chucked his flip phone inadvertently at Gintoki’s direction. It missed the white-haired man’s cheek by a hair’s breadth and hit the wall, shattering into pieces. 

Gintoki looked at Hijikata, flabbergasted. “What the _hell_ is your problem???”

Never mind that Hijikata just lost his only connection to the outside world—for some reason, nothing was more important than getting rid of the uncomfortable feeling buzzing through his limbs. He wanted to _fight_ Gintoki, NOT _fuck_ him. He hated every single molecule that made up the lazy bastard and he would prove it with his fists. 

“YOU!!” Hijikata screamed at the top of his lungs. Not even ten minutes into isolation and Hijikata was already launching himself across the room with his fist aimed at Gintoki. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna have to call you back, Shinpachi!” Shinpachi’s confused response got cut short as Gintoki hung up his phone and threw it onto his couch. He took in a deep breath as he felt his body tensed in anticipation of the fight. A rabid glee stretched across his face as his blood-red eyes cut into Hijikata’s steel blue ones, sending a chill down the man’s spine.

If it was a fight the bastard wanted, it was a fight he would get. 

———-

“We have _got_ to find a better solution,” Gintoki murmured through his busted lip. Hijikata wasn’t faring any better with his black eye. They both sat exhausted on the couch, cradling ice to their injuries. The living room was absolutely trashed worse than if a tornado had ransacked it. Normally, the pair would get into a fight outside in some alleyway, so the property damage was minimal. After they were done, they would be able to leave and give each other some space. But now, they didn’t have either option. At the rate they were going, they would tear apart Gintoki’s apartment by the end of the week. This wasn’t fair! Gintoki liked his stuff! Plus, they ran the risk of accidentally breaking quarantine if one threw the other out the window.

“What, are we actually going to use our words or some stupid shit like that?” They were men for god sakes. They spoke through their fists like Neanderthals and Hijikata wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

Gintoki scoffed, but didn’t have a refute. This kinda thing—conversations—weren’t really his specialty either. He knew the only answer left was to wait it out and hopefully not kill one another before the quarantine ended. 

“Ugh, for now, just take a shower. You reek,” Gintoki complained while pinching his nose. 

“And whose fault is that?!” Hijikata yelled. Some time during their fight, Gintoki threw a carton of spoiled strawberry milk, staining Hijikata’s pristine police uniform. Gintoki didn’t feel like responding as he knew it would just lead to another fight, so he just pointed to the bathroom down the hall. While Hijikata washed the rancid smell off him, Gintoki tidied up the room, which he rarely did voluntarily. 

“Hey, where’s the washing machine?” Hijikata called out through the open bathroom door. He stepped out with a towel around his waist, intending to put his clothes in the machine. 

“It’s… downstairs…” The words had a hard time coming into Gintoki’s brain with the visage of an almost naked Hijikata taking up so much space. Gintoki almost dropped the broom he was holding. All he could focus on was the water droplets taking their time down the contours of Hijikata’s collar bones to his rippling muscles and finally disappearing into the small towel wrapped around his waist. Hijikata accidentally dropped his cravat so he turned around and bent over, and Gintoki could totally see his...WHOA! Gintoki hit himself with his broom handle before he caught such a sight. 

Hijikata looked back to see Gintoki rubbing the new bump on his head. “Can’t even hold a broom right? Shouldn’t have expected more from you. Wait, did you just say the washer is downstairs? As in I have to go outside to wash my clothes?”

Gintoki just nodded noncommittally, trying to rid himself the image of his unwilling new roommate’s behind. Hijikata just sighed, not having that much energy left in him to throw a fit. Nothing he could do about it anyhow. 

“Do… you have any clothes I can borrow?” He reluctantly asked. Even the question left a vile taste in his mouth. 

“Today was laundry day so I only have sleepwear and my Friday Yukata.”

“Your Friday Yukata?”

“I have one for every other day of the week. The main character needs to keep his clothes in tip-top shape.”

How Gintoki ever became the main character of a shounen series, Hijikata will never know. 

Instead of going to the closet like Hijikata assumed, Gintoki just started stripping in the middle of the hallway. He handed the officer his yukata and the purple strip of fabric tying the piece together. 

Remembering what happened earlier when Hijikata bent over, Gintoki asked “you want some underwear, too?”

Hijikata choked on air. His face was absolutely red in response to the offer. He knew that going commando in another man’s yukata was worse than wearing his underwear, but only by a thin margin. 

“Please don’t give me the underwear you’re wearing right now.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Gintoki sarcastically said as he went to his closet to fish for an extra pair. Hijikata didn’t even look at Gintoki when he threw over the pink, strawberry covered boxers. When this was all over, he wouldn’t be surprised if he developed an allergy for all things strawberry and pink. Possibly even Gintoki himself. 

When Hijikata emerged from the bathroom, clothed in Gintoki’s trademark white and blue yukata, Gintoki could not take his eyes off of him. Gintoki felt… weird seeing the officer in _his_ clothes, but he didn’t want to sift through the implications of why his heart was beating so fast. 

Hijikata caught the weird look Gintoki was giving him. “What? Did I put it on wrong?” 

Gintoki quickly turned away, “no. It’s nothing.”

Hijikata brought up the yukata sleeve to sniff it. ‘This smells like strawberry milk and regret.’ _And something undeniably Gintoki._

——

A few hours passed as they tidied up the apartment. They roughed the place pretty badly from their fight, and even Hijikata admitted that they had to find a better way to deal with each other. He didn’t really want to spend half his days cleaning the place. Pretty soon, both their stomachs were grumbling. 

Hijikata looked in the fridge at the bundle of foodstuff. It was surprisingly pretty full. The Yorozuya gang must have gone shopping recently. “So how long do you think your food supply will last us?”

“Well, we had about two weeks worth with Kagura living here. But since she’s gone, we can probably last for almost a month if we include all the stuff in the pantry.”

“That’s good. The government also said they’re deploying drones to deliver food rations,” Hijikata turned to look at Gintoki’s face, bright in the refrigerator light, “so can you make anything?”

“I can only make cake,” Gintoki said in all seriousness, “Shinpachi is the one who handles the cooking,” 

Hijikata looked at Gintoki incredulously. “How have you managed to survive this long?”

“Bullshit main character powers?” Gintoki offered up unhelpfully. 

“You’re screwed if this series ever gets canceled.” Gintoki just shrugged. It was a fair assessment. 

Hijikata just sighed the sigh of the long suffering and rolled up his sleeves. He grabbed some eggs, onions, and tomatoes out of the fridge. “Help me cut some vegetables. I’ll make omurice.”

Gintoki was really surprised that Hijikata offered to make such a… domestic dish. It really didn’t fit him. Was this what they called the “moe gap”?

Hijikata began whisking the eggs together and the two men worked in silence as they prepared their meal. It was the quietest the two had ever been in each other’s presence. Somehow, this fact was stranger than a giant infectious mushroom appearing in the middle of the city. 

Hijikata carefully placed the plates on the dinner table and pulled out his final secret ingredient. Gintoki already knew what was going to happen the moment he saw the blinding red of the bottle cap. Most people would choose to write cute words on top of their omurice in thin lines of ketchup. Hijikata preferred to throw any concept of normalcy out the window and squeeze an entire bottle’s worth onto his meal. 

Gintoki felt some of the strawberry milk he drank this morning come back up. “Aren’t we supposed to ration our supplies?”

“What do you mean? Don’t you have at least two weeks worth of mayo at all times. That’s the Shinsengumi way. Any less and you must commit seppuku.”

“No. Because I’m _normal_. And did you seriously write that in the Shinsengumi’s Code of Conduct? No wonder they call you the Demon Vice Chief.”

Hijikata slammed his fists on the dinner table, making the tableware shake. “You are as far from normal as the definition goes!!”

Gintoki was mid-bite as he prepared a retort, but the taste of the dish finally hit him. “Holy shit, this is so good!”

Hijikata sputtered in embarrassment. “Of-of course it’s good! What else would it be?”

“I just figured a bunch of gruff, sweaty men wouldn’t know how to cook.”

“Between Kondo-san, Sougo, and me, I was the only one with a decent palette when we lived in the countryside. Kondo-san would accidentally poison anyone with his cooking and Sougo would intentionally poison people with his, so I was the only option left.”

Gintoki continued shoveling the food down his throat as he listened to Hijikata and he found that the other man was quite tolerable when he wasn’t trying to arrest Gintoki. They managed to carry out a conversation over dinner without threatening one another’s life with a kitchen utensil, so this was a success in his book. 

Everything was fine until it was time for bed. “So where do I sleep?” Hijikata asked the million dollar question as he looked around the small apartment. 

“I don’t know.” Gintoki did know. He just didn’t want to say it. 

“Where does the small brat sleep?”

“In the closet, but I doubt you can fit.” Hijikata looked at the closet and knew that he would wake up sore for days if he spent the night in there. 

“I’ll just sleep on the couch,” Hijikata concluded. “Just give me an extra blanket.”

“That’s the thing… I only have the one good one since Kagura’s is probably too small for you.”

“Why do you only have one blanket?!”

“Excuse you! Do I look like I crap money?!”

Hijikata could not refute that. He wanted to try sleeping on the couch but with Edo in the dead of winter, he’d die of pneumonia before he could leave this place. 

“Well, I guess that leaves…” Gintoki began saying awkwardly. 

“Don’t say it. Please don’t say it.”

—

Hijikata lied as stiff as a log in the thick futon he shared next to Gintoki. How could he be comfortable next to Gintoki out of all people?! He had never been _this_ conscious around the other man before, and he had seen the guy naked in a bathhouse before. _Whoa—_ probably not a good time to think about Gintoki in the nude while he was lying next to him. “Stay on your side,” he grumbled. 

“Why are you ordering around a man in his own bed?”

Hijikata said nothing as he pulled the blanket up to his shoulders and turned to face away from Gintoki. This was one of the most embarrassing things he has had to do as a grown man. His heart was beating like crazy for reasons he would rather leave unexplained. One of which was definitely _not_ the fact that he could feel a comforting warmth radiating from the man a few mere inches away. Was he the only one who was extremely conscious in this situation? How did Gintoki go as far as welcome a person he barely knew into his bed like this? He was honestly surprised the man hadn’t kicked him out for all the lip he’d given him in the past.

HIjikata muttered something that the other man couldn’t quite catch. 

“What you’d say?” Gintoki asked into the cold night. 

“Thank you,” Hijikata whispered reluctantly. He could hear the shuffle as Gintoki turned to look at the back of the black-haired samurai’s head. In the end, he knew Gintoki wasn’t the type to kick out someone in his situation, and he was still grateful that the man allowed him into his home without too much complaining. 

“It’s nothing,” Gintoki whispered back. It was too dark to tell, but he swore the tip of Hijikata’s ear was red. His eyes traced the locks of straight hair that curved along the back of Hijikata’s head. His errant hand wanted to touch the exposed nape of his neck to flatten out the few wayward hairs. 

As Hijikata found the warmth of his blanket wrapping around him like a cocoon, he quickly drifted into sleep, exhausted from the dramatic change of pace his life just went through in the span of one day. Gintoki followed soon after, allowing the gentle breathing of Hijikata to lull him to sleep. 

—————

Hijikata grumbled something unintelligible in the early reaches of the morning. His internal alarm clock slowly roused him awake as he needed to prepare for his morning routine as Shinsengumi Vice Chief. But something was slightly off about today. 

For one, he found it more difficult to get out of bed. Perhaps it was because it was always harder for him to wake up on a cold winter morning, even with his strict self-discipline. He buried his nose into the crook of something really warm and soft and let out a contented sigh that even he didn’t know he could make. A comforting, sweet scent entered his nose, making him even more reluctant to leave his bed. His arms wrapped around the giant heat pack he must have lucked on during the night. The mysterious source of warmth returned the favor as he felt himself get drawn closer by his waist.

Wait. 

Wait just a minute here. Hijikata had never once in his life heard of some giant heat pack. The closest thing would be an anime body pillow and he refused to even _think_ of buying one, no matter how much of a closet otaku he was. Slowly, memories of the day before came flooding into his waking mind. Everything from the giant alien mushroom infecting their city to ending the night in Yorozuya's bed. 

Hijikata peaked through his eyelids to confirm his newly discovered worst nightmare: finding himself in Gintoki’s arms. He closed his eyes again, tighter this time. If he wished hard enough, maybe everything would turn out to be some poison-induced nightmare. Sougo must have laced his secret stash of mayo again. He would rather take that reality than this one any day. But when he opened his eyes again, he found himself staring at the hint of a stubble on Gintoki’s chin.

His body reacted on instinct as the tidal wave of embarrassment crashed into him and he immediately shove Gintoki out of bed. Gintoki’s neck cracked in an unnatural way as he was shoved against the cold tatami mats and he woke up with his limbs flailing about like he was in the middle of a war. When he finally calmed down to be greeted with the tomato-colored face of Hijikata, he did not keep himself from yelling. 

“What the _fuck_ is your problem?!” Needless to say, Gintoki was not a morning person. 

“ _My problem_ is waking up to your grubby hands all over me!”

Confusion danced across the white-haired samurais face. He saw a very different story from the one Hijikata told. “ _You’re_ the one who was all over me last night. You clearly crossed whatever imaginary border you had drawn on the bed.” 

Hijikata looked down and saw that Gintoki was right. He was the one who crawled over to Gintoki’s side in his sleep. But he couldn’t be the one to lose this battle. Not now. Not ever. He jutted his finger out accusingly, not really having any kind of argument, but going for it anyway. “Well, you’re the one who—”

“Can you _please_ not argue with me when you look like _that_?” Gintoki grumbled, for some reason embarrassed, as he covered his eyes with his hand. 

The black-haired samurai was perplexed at the sudden change of topic until he finally looked down at himself. Sometime during the night, Hijikata’s yukata had come undone and now the sides hung precariously off of his shoulders, revealing his bare chest. Maybe that was why he was so cold right now. It definitely wasn’t because a small part of him missed Gintoki’s warmth. 

“Y-you—What—” Hijikata was at a loss for words as he quickly readjusted Gintoki’s yukata, which was another blow to his diminishing self-esteem. “Well, you’re…” Whatever words he wanted to say died in his throat as his eyes fell to the particular _issue_ in Gintoki’s pants right now. The man had changed into his sleeping pajamas last night, and they were too thin to hide the _problem_ currently saluting the shell-shocked Hijikata right now. 

Hijikata inwardly screamed and threw the pillow onto Gintoki’s groin, quickly getting up to leave the room. “Let’s just forget anything ever happened!!” 

The cold morning air forced Gintoki to crawl back into bed. He dug his palms into his eyes to try to force back the wave of mortification that hit him. Eventually, he fell back asleep, too tired to deal with whatever the hell just happened. 

____

Waking up to find himself burying his nose in the crook of Gintoki’s neck was officially the last way Hijikata wanted to start the day. Nothing he did calmed his nerves as he tried to replicate his morning routine as a Shinsengumi officer. There was no space in the room to swing a sword around, lest he break more of Gintoki’s things. He eventually just settled down to sit on the living floor to meditate, which helped him calm down at least a little bit. 

But before long, his mind started racing about the current state of the Shinsengumi. Were they doing okay? Did any of them break quarantine already? Did the government still plan to pay the officers even through this lockdown?

“Stop thinking so loud,” Gintoki murmured groggily as he stumbled into the living room.

“What are you—” Hijikata began but he was cut off when Gintoki haphazardly threw his phone towards his direction. 

“You’re worried about them, right? I should have Souichiro-kun’s number.”

“Thank...you…” Hijikata finished off lamely, not really knowing how to react to Gintoki’s thoughtful gesture. 

Hijikata found Sougo’s contact info and rang him. Sougo picked up on the third ring. “Yo _danna_ , how’s it going with Hijikata-san?” He asked with an odd sense of familiarity, as if he has had this conversation with the Yorozuya boss many times before. Were the two conspiring against Hijikata or something?

“It’s Hijikata. Do you...regularly talk to Yorozuya or something? Cuz he still has you listed as ‘Soichiro’ on his phone.” 

“What are you talking about, Hijikata-san? _Danna_ is my best friend,” Sougo deadpanned. 

The Vice Chief rolled his eyes. As if he were ever going to get a straight answer out of the sandy-blond officer. “Jokes aside, how’s everyone doing?”

“A few of them are pretty antsy, but the lot of them are using the opportunity to slack off. Some are thinking about breaking quarantine, but I got traps set up around the barracks.”

“Please don’t blow up the barracks.”

“Hijikata-san, for a threat to be viable, you know that I must follow through with it.” 

Hijikata sighed in defeat. While Sougo’s method varied from Hijikata’s, he did know how to run a tight ship. 

Sougo continued on his report, “we’re going through the alternative projects you had written down for us. Cleaning the dojo and storage room is going to take a lot longer than predicted, but it’ll keep everyone busy.” They talked for a while as Sougo updated Hijikata more about the Shinsengumi and Kondo.

After they finished, Sougo asked “So why are you calling me from _danna_ ’ _s_ phone?”

“I broke my phone yesterday.”

“Oh, when I suggested that you wanted to fuck—”

Hijikata spared his ears from hearing such a heinous suggestion by hanging up prematurely. His hand tightened around the phone as his need to fling the phone across the room skyrocketed. But he managed to take some deep breaths to calm down before he broke Gintoki’s phone. Speaking of which, he wondered if Gintoki had his number. He scrolled up to ‘H,’ but didn’t see his name until he saw a familiar mayo emoji next to ‘Oogushi-kun.’ Hijikata couldn’t believe the bastard still had him listed under that embarrassing nickname, but the mayo emoji was slightly appreciated. 

How did that brat always know how to push Hijikata’s buttons? And why was he always suggesting that the hatred Hijikata felt for the stupid permy-haired bastard underlied something much more? It drove Hijikata insane, which arguably was Sougo’s job most days. 

The officer was drawn out of his thoughts when the smell of something sweet wafted into the nose, rousing his stomach awake. He hadn’t realized how hungry he had been until he walked into the kitchen to see Gintoki making some pancakes. 

“I thought you only knew how to make cake.”

“Pancakes are under that umbrella,” Gintoki replied matter-of-factly. “You want some?” Seeing the cautious look on Hijikata’s face, he added, “don’t worry. I didn’t poison them.” 

Hijikata looked unsure as this was the first time he had tried the man’s cooking, but he would give him the benefit of the doubt since Gintoki ate the meal he made last night. Gintoki placed a stack of fluffy pancakes onto a plate and topped the dish off with butter, syrup, and a couple of fresh strawberries.

Hijikata slowly cut into it, admiring the texture, but he was still cautious. He just assumed that Gintoki might have mixed up salt and sugar somewhere down the line just to play some kind of prank on him. 

Turning around with his own plate of pancakes and seeing that Hijikata had yet to take a bite out of it, Gintoki rolled his eyes. Growing impatient, he cut up some of the pancakes, grabbed his chin without warning, and force fed it to Hijikata. After struggling a bit, the officer managed to swallow the bite and widened his eyes at the taste. “It’s really...good.” Hijikata didn’t have that much of a sweet tooth, but even he could admit that the dessert was quite delectable. 

Gintoki smirked with unabashed pride. “I know.” To top it off, he wiped off a bit of cream from the corner of Hijikata’s mouth and licked it off his thumb. His face turned sour, “ _ugh_ , this is mayo! When did you—stop adding mayo to everything! It’s downright sacreligious at this point!” 

A light blush settled on Hijikata’s face at such a brazen action, but he covered it up by inciting another argument about how mayo was the true hidden delicacy of the world. The one good thing about being stuck with Gintoki was that he would never get bored. 

———-

Hijikata was bored out of his goddamn mind! At this point, he seriously considered just bashing his head into the wall so he could be brain damaged enough to deal with the boredom. By noon he had tidied up Gintoki’s apartment twice, organized his pantry, and sharpened his sword to the point that it could splice DNA if he wanted to. How was he supposed to survive another two weeks of this, maybe more?!

“Can you _please_ stop pacing around like a madman?” Gintoki said from his supine position on the couch, flipping another page of his manga. Hijikata walked over and grabbed the bastard by the collars of his black shirt. Lazing around like this must have been second nature to this sloth, but Hijikata was strung as tight as a violin. Part of Hijikata wanted to get into another fight with Gintoki to shed himself of this anxious energy, but the white-haired samurai wouldn’t give the officer anything. He really was committing to his non-fighting truce to save his stuff.

“You need to relax, right? Trust me. No one knows how to relax more than me.” Gintoki waved Hijikata off and walked over to his bookshelf and grabbed about ten issues of Shonen Jump and plopped them down onto the coffee table. “I have about five years of Jump that I never bothered throwing out. This should keep you occupied for awhile.”

Was Gintoki seriously suggesting that Hijikata read something other than police reports? But at this point the man didn’t have another option so he sat down next to Gintoki and did as he was told. It was a bit difficult at first to allow himself to be taken into the story. He had banned most comics from the barracks, and since he was not one to be a hypocrite, he rarely picked up any himself. But after a while, his mind found relief in being lost in the world of these young heroes. Gintoki sat next to him on the couch, with his legs up on the coffee table, reading his own set of manga. Hours passed and eventually, Hijikata slowly felt his eyes drooping, too tired to process another word from whichever bright-eyed protagonist he was reading about. He felt his head drop backwards to the couch and his body slump into its plush cushions. Hijikata took his first nap in ages.

——

When the officer’s mind finally gathered consciousness after an hour or so, he found himself on top of Gintoki once more—this time with a dark stain of his drool to add insult to injury. The white-haired samurai was softly snoring underneath with a book split on top of his face. Hijikata knew he couldn’t blame this on Gintoki no matter how hard he tried. Why was his unconscious self drawn to the white-haired samurai’s body like a magnet? Why did it feel so natural to simply melt into Gintoki’s arms? He needed to get up before the Yorozuya woke up so he could deny that this never happened. 

“Are you finally awake?” Gintoki mumbled underneath the book sitting on his face. He lifted the book and looked at Hijikata with his unwavering red eyes, not at all surprised or embarrassed to find the officer in this position. Hijikata was completely tight-lipped as he separated himself from Gintoki, face ablaze. He honestly couldn’t have said anything even if he wanted to. Why was the only emotion on the bastard’s face either pissy or completely apathetic? He was so hard to read. 

Thankfully, the silence was quickly filled when Gintoki turned on the TV. The two returned to their original positions with a respectable distance between them and watched the news in silence. It was mostly updates on the quarantine status and the government response to the situation. The situation was going surprisingly well with few humans breaking quarantine during the first day. The world had already seen how hectic the situation was when it occurred in other countries. Most people thankfully understood that as long as everyone was cooperative, this infestation would clear up quickly. After a while though, the news seemed to drone on and on with the same story. 

Gintoki glanced at the clock and switched to another channel. “ _Sailor Moon_ is on if you want to watch it.”

Hijikata looked back, shocked that the white-haired samurai knew his dark secret.

“How do you—I don’t—” He tried to deny, but was at a loss for words. 

Gintoki rolled his eyes, apathetic to Hijikata’s attempt to hide his otakuness. “That’s all you talked about as _Tosshi_ , or did you forget everything?” 

Hijikata’s cheeks went as red as the strawberries he ate this morning, but it wasn’t because of the fact that Gintoki called him out as an otaku. It was because that was the closest the Yorozuya boss had ever come to saying his first name. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, you idiot!!” He tried to cover up his embarrassment with unbridled rage, but Gintoki regarded Hijikata as if he were a pissed off kitten. 

Gintoki bridged the gap between them without warning and whispered low into Hijikata’s ear. “Really? You don’t even remember when you got down on your knees and called me _‘Mr. Sakata’_ while you begged for my help?” For extra measure, he blew a cool breath into Hijikata’s ear, which had the chain smoker shivering for all the wrong kinds of reasons. Hijikata covered his ear protectively and backed away, feeling threatened in a weird kind of way. Why was it only the white-haired bastard that made him feel like this? 

Gintoki withdrew and the tension between them dissipated at the drop of a hat. “Well, I guess _I’m_ the one watching Sailor Moon, and you can tell people I forced you into watching it.”

Hijikata was surprised that Gintoki was willing to play along with his pride, but he stopped mulling over it once the theme song for his beloved magical girl anime came on. 

———

The second—or was it third—day went pretty much like the previous one. It was the afternoon now and Hijikata sat on the couch, staring at his one carton of cigarettes. Luckily, he had thought to reload before he had arrived at the Yorozuya office, but he typically went through half a carton a day. He smoked to relieve the stress he had as Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi, but since he technically wasn’t working, he didn’t have as much tension to smoke away. But living with Gintoki came with new stressors. 

Why, just this morning, Gintoki was the one to cross the imaginary border splitting the halves of the futon. Hijikata had woken up when Gintoki squeezed his left pec as his hands had slipped into the yukata while they slept. The Yoroyuza boss had his arms wrapped around Hijikata like vines and a leg thrown over the officer’s hip. The black-haired samurai bit down every instinct to elbow Gintoki in the ribs because he wanted to save himself the embarrassment of accusing the white-haired samurai of groping him so early in the morning. The fact that he woke up with his man boobs fondled by Gintoki was going to die with him. This, coupled with the fact that Hijikata felt something _hard_ pressing against his hip would never leave this room. Whether or not Hijikata had a tent in his own pants was also up for debate. 

“ _Yoroyuza,_ let me go,” Hijikata grumbled after he had tried to pull Gintoki’s arms off of him with no avail. As if the words were the secret code, Gintoki’s grip loosened, allowing Hijikata to roll out of bed. The black-haired officer felt an odd sense of nostalgia from the action, as if they had done this a thousand times, over a thousand different life spans. But that couldn’t have been. He must already be getting cabin fever being stuck in the house. 

Hijikata banished the memory of this morning and refocused on the carton in his hand. There were eighteen sticks left. He had smoked one the first day after his fight with Gintoki. He smoked the second one this morning for obvious reasons (as in Gintoki being the bane of his existence). If he could control himself, he might be able to live with a cigarette a day, stretching this tiny carton into three weeks worth of stress relief. Hijikata hid the Mayoboro box under the couch; out of sight, out of mind. He took off Gintoki’s yukata and stripped down to his underwear: simple black briefs. 

Hijikata just _had_ to work out or else he would go insane being stuck inside the apartment all day. He did some stretches, waking up his muscles. Pretty soon, he started swinging his sword around, careful to not hit anything in the small living room he was working out in. It helped once he moved the furniture around to give himself more space. His muscles burned with a familiar ache and finally, his mind quieted down. 

After about an hour or so, Hijikata began his cool down routine constructed of a variety of yoga poses. He remembered feeling weird at first, but his body felt much more relaxed afterwards. Gintoki walked in on Hijikata just as he was in the downward dog position. 

“What… are you doing?” Gintoki asked in a weird, indecipherable tone. 

“I’m doing some cool down stretches.”

“I got that. But why are you in your underwear?” 

“My uniform just dried and I didn’t want to wash them again. The cold weather isn’t drying the clothes faster.” He turned to gesture to Gintoki’s yukata folded neatly on the couch. “I can’t really help it since our clothing options are limited. I wouldn’t want to accidentally rip your _precious_ yukata.” He stood back up and wiped the sweat off his neck with a small towel. 

Hijikata continued, “You should work out with me. I haven’t seen you lift a finger since we’ve been quarantined. Actually, I’ve never seen you work out, period.”

“I typically get a month’s worth of exercise when I battle the villain-of-the-week, so I’m good.”

Hijikata rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Hey, do you need to use the restroom before I shower?”

The black-haired samurai _swore_ Gintoki’s eyes gave him a once-over before scurrying over to the restroom with a high-pitched _“yes!”_

‘What a weirdo,’ Hijikata concluded as he watched him go.

——

Over the course of the next week, Hijikata and Gintoki managed to do the impossible: coexist. The Vice Chief would start his days early with morning meditations and light stretching. Gintoki would wake up about an hour later and have breakfast ready by the time Sougo finished updating Hijikata on what was happening at the barracks. 

Hijikata would prep for lunch and dinner in the afternoon, and since he had so much time on his hands, he looked up new recipes to try out. Luckily, they had a variety of spices since Shinpachi liked to dabble with cooking himself. After lunch, Hijikata would read more of the Jump stacked on the shelf with Gintoki and they spent a while discussing their favorite characters and scenes. Hijikata was rather surprised that he could have a conversation with the white-haired man without wanting to suplex him by the end. Before dinner, Hijikata would exercise by doing various cardio activities so he could work up an appetite and fall asleep easier. Gintoki would wash the dishes after dinner since Hijikata cooked. And then suddenly, the day was over and they were ready to go to bed. Although they started the night separated, they would always wake up the next morning tangled in each other’s arms (which still embarrassed Hijikata to no ends). 

It wasn’t until halfway through the second week that everything started unraveling. As a textbook chainsmoker, Hijikata knew he was lying to himself when he set out to ration the pack of cigarettes. He really did try to smoke one a day, but he went through the pack like a forest fire. The irritation set in the moment he grabbed his cigarette carton to find it empty. He found himself nagging Gintoki for tiny little things like not putting the mayo back in the fridge or leaving the toilet seat up. Even he knew he was being a total B-word about it. 

It didn’t help that Gintoki was acting weird around Hijikata. Well, more so than usual. There were these fleeting moments when Gintoki’s eyes would fall to his lips, making Hijikata’s chest tight for some inexplicable reason. There had even been times when the sugar addict’s touch would linger on the officer—his shoulders, wrists, fingers—a second longer than necessary, and maybe Hijikata was growing sensitive after being stuck in the house for so long, but Gintoki’s lingering warmth burned him.

What the hell was going on with the permy-haired bastard? Better yet, what the hell was wrong with Hijikata?

—x—

Gintoki wanted to rip his own hair out. And that was saying something because his luscious, natural permy hair was one of the things he most treasured about himself. But Hijikata was driving him _insane_. 

Gintoki had stopped counting the days since Hijikata had completely invaded his personal space by flaunting his stupid, pretty self all over the goddamn place. It must have only been a little more over a week, but that was all it took to whittle down the self-control he’d amassed for _years_. 

This man, no—this _monster_ —had no idea what he was doing to Gintoki. First, it was prancing around the apartment, cooking meals and cleaning the place in _his_ character-defining yukata. When he asked the bastard why he wasn’t wearing his own clothes, Hijikata just casually remarked that he felt more comfortable in the yukata. Then it was getting all cozy with him in bed and throwing any sense of propriety to the wind and constantly burying his face in Gintoki's chest like it belonged there. 

Gintoki was a man of limited means and the little strength he had left to not pounce Hijikata where he stood was whittled away every time he saw the officer in his underwear, flushed and gasping for breath after a particularly arduous exercise. 

There was no way that Hijikata was _this_ oblivious in his casual seduction of Gintoki, right? He would have to be an actual demon for leading him on like this. Or just really, _really_ dumb. 

It definitely didn’t help that he couldn’t go “release” his stress like he usually could in the privacy of his own room. He was stuck silently jacking off in the bathroom like some pathetic teenage boy. If Hijikata had an addiction to nicotine, then Gintoki must have had an addiction to Hijikata. 

It was harder by the day to keep himself from touching Hijikata, which was why he needed to avoid a physical fight with the officer at all cost. Gintoki couldn’t guarantee what he would have done if he touched Hijikata as he was now, so for both of their sakes, he was being the bigger person for once in his life.

But the fucking nicotine addict was not making it any easier with all his nagging. He just _had_ to run out of cigarettes a week into quarantine. Gintoki knew he would have been in a similar situation if he didn’t have his daily sugar fix, but there was a limit to his patience. At this point, it was like the bastard was looking for any reason to fight. 

“Could you _breathe_ any louder?” Hijikata asked in a tone befitting of a tired and annoyed housewife. Gintoki put down his manga and took a deep breath. 

“ _Honey,”_ Gintoki mocked, his voice heavy with sarcasm, “why don’t you take a breather and just _calm down_.”

Red splotches blossomed on Hijikata’s face, whether due to anger or embarrassment of being called ‘honey,’ he didn’t know. 

“Don’t talk to me like I’m your wife!! I can’t believe I’m stuck in this hellhole with you and there’s no end in sight!”

Gintoki, in one of his most triumphant acts, bit his tongue to hold himself back. They were encroaching on dangerous territory. He knew he was stepping on a landline here. Anything he said would set off a series of chain reactions that could end up with his apartment in shambles. The gods really shouldn’t have stuck two nuclear samurais together.

The white-haired samurai eyes lowered without his permission when he caught a full view of Hijikata’s chest. The lean man was sitting in a way that allowed the yukata to expose his nipples because apparently being stuck in quarantine for so long made him forget how to properly put on clothes. Since the air was slightly chilly, the bud was hard, much like Gintoki would be in a minute if he didn’t leave immediately. Why weren’t male nipples censored like women’s?! Hijikata’s nipples were as sexy as a woman’s, perhaps even more so—mocking Gintoki with its perkiness. ‘Alright,’ the sexually frustrated man called it a day. He was heading off to bed. Who cares if it was only six o’clock? Time was no longer a concept. He wordlessly stood up from the couch to leave Hijikata to simmer down. 

Hijikata couldn't believe that Gintoki just walked away like that. _Who was he?_ Where was the man who almost destroyed half the town when a villain made him drop his dango? 

Hijikata shot up from the couch and threw a disdainful finger in his shithead of a roommate’s way. “You know, if I were your wife, I would poison your strawberry milk!” 

Without missing a beat, Gintoki turned around and looked at Hijikata dead in the eyes. “If I were your husband, I would drink it.”

Not being able to stop the deterioration of his maturity level, Hijikata threw his hands out in a dramatic manner and mocked, “Look at me, I think I’m better than everyone else with my natural perm head, but actually I’m just a pushing-to-be-diabetic airhead!”

‘Oh no, he did _not_ just go there.’ Gintoki stopped in his tracks and turned around to face Hijikata in all his permed glory. Making his fingers into a peace sign, he held up a “V” to his forehead, mocking Hijikata’s signature bangs. 

“Look at me! I’m Hijikata and I like working out in my underwear and sticking my perfect, tight ass out for all the world to see!”

Just for the heck of it, he slapped his own ass because why the fuck not. Hijikata had crossed the fucking line when he brought his hair into this. 

_“WHAT?!”_ The blush on Hijikata’s face was approaching critical levels of scarlet. 

“You—you…” The mortified Hijikata was at a loss for words. If he continued, he would degenerate to using basic insults from his failing repertoire. So Hijikata did what he always did: he let his fists speak for him. Propelling himself across the room, his arms short forth to successfully capture Gintoki in a chokehold. The light-haired samurai grunted as he was forced to bend at the knees when Hijikata tried to bring him down to the ground. Gintoki’s nose flared like a raging bull as he scratched at the officer’s arms to free himself. When that didn’t work, Gintoki, expert at escaping close calls, stomped on Hijikata’s foot. The black-haired man yowled in pain, releasing his hold on the Yorozuya boss. Hijikata was still reeling from the attack so Gintoki took the opportunity to elbow the man in the ribs with no remorse. 

Hijikata fell backwards on the floor, shifting his body just enough to avoid hitting his head on the coffee table. He refused to die a death that stupid. He had wanted to bounce back up, but Gintoki quickly followed him to the floor, caging him with his body. Hijikata tried to flail about but he was pinned to the floor like a butterfly. 

For the first time since he’d known Gintoki, Hijikata truly got a close look at the man’s striking face. Blood-red eyes sliced through the Shinsengumi officer as he peered down at him through messy silver hair. He felt the intensity of Gintoki’s strength looming over him like the sun, threatening to crush him with its pressure. Something was different about Gintoki today, his gaze sending a chill racing down Hijikata’s spine. Hijikata could no longer bear the weight of Gintoki’s eyes and snapped his own shut as he turned his head to the side, breaking the hypnotic spell those ruby orbs were inflicting upon him. The black-haired samurai exposed his neck like defeated prey, acknowledging his loss and hoping that Gintoki would let him go soon enough as he could no longer deal with the unbearable tension tightening his chest. It was getting harder to breathe every second Gintoki held himself so closely to Hijikata. 

But Gintoki would not be so kind. He brought his one free hand to Hijikata’s chin and forced the officer to meet his burning gaze. The silver samurai wanted to wordlessly convey at least an ounce of the torment Hijikata had caused him with his mere proximity. That moment stretched into an eternity between the two men. When Gintoki unconsciously brought his thumb to light graze at Hijikata’s bottom lip, pressing into its sweet softness, the dark-haired samurai understood _everything._

Time seemed to slow down to the point that the space between each heartbeat stretched for minutes. Gintoki had never touched Hijikata so delicately before this moment. It was always hard punches amidst drunken brawls or forceful shoves to save Hijikata from fatal attacks. The Vice Chief didn’t even think Gintoki had the ability to act so carefully, as if one press would shatter Hijikata like glass. But looking at the unfathomable expression on Gintoki through Hijikata’s lashes, he finally saw that Gintoki was so terrified of breaking the thin veneer composed of haughty taunts and thrilling brawls. Every taunt was just a shotty attempt to deflect the truth stirring underneath. Every fight incited was just a flimsy excuse to get their hands on one another, as pathetic as that sounded.

But as Gintoki lowered his head, closing the gap in between their lips at a maddenly slow pace, Hijikata was faced with the undeniable truth. The truth was...that they couldn’t get enough of each other. That there was this undeniable force drawing the two close every time their eyes met. But they couldn’t make sense of this outer-worldly magnetism, so they chose to fight it instead. 

Gintoki stopped his descension a hairbreadth away from the dark-haired samurai’s awaiting lips. Their atoms were basically touching. He loosened his hold on Hijikata’s wrists. The implication was obvious. ‘Free yourself if you want. I’ve given you an escape route.’ A battle-hardened fighter like Hijikata would not have missed the opportunity to escape if he truly did not want this. But Hijikata was tired of running away from whatever force pulling them together time and time again. He wouldn’t miss an opportunity like this again. 

Hijikata opened his mouth just enough to allow his tongue to slither forth, shyly licking Gintoki between his lips, beckoning him. And just like that, the seal that kept the two in darkness about their mutual attraction from one another crumbled, leaving no more holds to be barred. 

Their lips came crashing together like shooting stars falling to the earth. But to Hijikata, it felt more like the ocean returning to its rightful place by the shore because nothing had felt more _right_ than kissing Gintoki for all that he was worth. They closed their eyes, sacrificing their sight for the sensation of each other. 

Gintoki, for his credit, did start slowly at first, savoring the feel and taste of Hijikata. He worshipped the dark-haired samurai’s pliant lips. Gintoki was the first to move, sliding their lips together, finding the sensation of pressing against Hijikata’s plump lips very satisfying, almost heavenly. But Gintoki was an insatiable man. He wanted _more_. He switched to sucking the officer’s bottom lip between his own, softly grazing his teeth against the appendage. When Hijikata upped the ante by licking the front of Gintoki’s teeth, making him aware of his tongue’s existence, Gintoki chased Hijikata’s brazen tongue into the officer’s mouth. He swiped around Hijikata’s teeth, exploring the wet cavern, licking the roof of it, too. The Yorozuya boss stopped having any coherent thoughts the moment he heard the moan from the back of Hijikata’s throat. Now his new mission was to find how many ways he could make the Demon Vice Chief make that delectable noise once more. He began pushing and pulling against the dark-haired samurai’s tongue, proving that if this were a metaphorical sword fight, Gintoki would have the advantage. The sensations were all too new for Hijikata, not familiar with being dominated like this. Yet, Gintoki was relentless in his gambit of unraveling Hijikata with only his tongue and the hard press of his muscled body. And so the worshipping turned into ravishing. 

Everything came to a halt when Hijikata suddenly broke the kiss, turning his head away as Gintoki’s tongue licked a long strip on his cheek, not given enough time to retreat. Hijikata took several breaths of air, having forgotten how to breathe under the onslaught of Gintoki’s skillful attack. Gintoki took this opportunity to pepper kisses down Hijikata, starting at the corner of his lips, traversing along his sharp jawline, and ending at the crook of his neck. The light-haired samurai took a deep inhale, filling his nose with the scent of his own shampoo, which spurred him on even more. He licked at the vulnerable spot like a vampire taste-testing his meal and sucked the skin raw between his lips. There was no doubt this would leave a mark lasting for days. A deep moan escaped Hijikata once more, which surprised even the officer. Neither of them knew such a lascivious noise could ever come from the proclaimed Demon Vice Commander. But as Hijikata would soon come to learn, the real demon was the one atop him. 

Once Gintoki was satisfied with his handiwork, he raised his head to look down upon Hijikata. A wave of scarlet painted the man’s face, making his crystal blue eyes more hypnotizing than usual. The red spread down his neck to his chest, revealing Hijikata for all that he was. He was still trying to catch his breath, but by this point, he knew it was a lost cause. 

Gintoki freed Hijikata’s wrists to allow himself to tug at the purple sash around the man’s waist. “Tell me when to stop,” Gintoki said as he pushed the yukata to the side of Hijikata’s body and restarted his campaign of trailing down Hijikata’s toned body with feather-light kisses. The dark-haired samurai didn’t think he could ever voice such a request. Gintoki should never be stopped. 

Hijikata had no doubt that Gintoki could feel his racing heartbeat beneath his lips. His hands, finally free, found their way twisting into the samurai’s soft hair. Gintoki reached the elastic waistband of the officer’s underwear, and just when Hijikata thought he had reached his final destination, the man showed him just how wrong he was. Gintoki skipped over the man’s crotch, already half hard, and instead positioned his head between Hijikata’s legs. He mouthed at his inner thigh and Hijikata downright quivered when he felt the Yorozuya’s tongue lick hot, wet stripes along his naked skin. He instinctively closed his thighs, which Gintoki did not allow as his hands had hooked under the black-haired man’s knees to keep Hijikata’s legs open, his fingernails biting into his flesh in warning. Hijikata’s thighs could crush a watermelon if given the opportunity, and Gintoki didn’t really want to substitute his head for the occasion. 

Gintoki finished lapping up the inner of Hijikata’s thigh as an appetizer. The real meal was coming up next. The brazen man mouthed at Hijikata’s dick, trapped underneath the thin layer of cloth. Hijikata’s briefs were so thin in fact that one could already see the precum stain on the black cloth. Gintoki pressed his tongue along the outline of the samurai’s dick—his own stirring in anticipation of what he was to do next. 

Gintoki couldn't wait any more. He gave one final kiss to the clothed dick and used his teeth to pull down the waistband of Hijikata’s underwear. The Yorozuya boss barely tried to move away in time to avoid being hit in the face with Hijikata’s dick, but failed as his cheek was now strained with his precum. 

“My, my. Aren’t you eager,” Gintoki taunted before he held the errant dick in his hand. Hijikata wanted to give him the cursory, embarrassed “s-shut up,” but when he lifted his head to look down at Gintoki, he saw the man lick a long wet stripe along his shaft while maintaining direct eye contact. 

Did he have no shame?! Hijikata plopped back down, the image of such a sinful act now seared on the back of his eyelids as he tried to calm himself down. He refused to get a nosebleed as a fully grown man, but as always, Gintoki was pushing his limits. 

Gintoki wrapped his hand around Hijikata’s pulsing member, giving it a few languid strokes as he spoke. “Have you not masturbated at all since you came here?” The Yorozuya boss could only assume such a thing since they had literally been together 24/7 for the past week. He doubted Hijikata had the gall to do it while Gintoki was asleep and his showers were always a bit too quick to allow for such an activity. 

The flush grew hotter in Hijikata’s face. “Idiot! _No_ , why would I do that?!” How could he ask such a thing?! Hijikata was an officer of the law, a samurai above all else. It would be boorish of him to relieve himself in another man’s home. He was even constipated for the first two days since it felt crass relieving himself at the Yorozuya’s place. 

Gintoki just chuckled as the heat on Hijikata’s face rose to dangerous levels. It was so easy to get a rise out of him. 

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to help you with that.”

Hijikata tried strangling the noises threatening to come out as Gintoki went to town on his dick. He began with licking at his head, swirling around the folds, to poking at the slit with the tip of his tongue, lapping up the beads of precome. Before long, he hollowed out his cheeks to take more of Hijikata in, only stopping when the officer’s dick reached the back of his throat. His hand wrapped around the part where his lips could not reach and twisted it. Gintoki had half a mind to deep throat the man, but Hijikata wasn’t ready for that yet. The night would end too soon, and Gintoki was in it for the long haul. 

Hijikata no longer had the strength or willpower to hold back his moans, throwing his head to the side and letting out a long, desperate, “ _aaahhh…”_ The officer had never hated a syllable more, despising the man that drew out such an offending article. But such feelings were soon overwhelmed with a wave of pleasure. 

Gintoki continued his campaign of giving Hijikata the most mind-numbing blow job. He sucked and sucked until he needed to come up for air, letting go with a sick, wet pop. Not wanting to neglect his lover’s cock for long, he returned to lick along the veins of Hijikata’s hard and pulsing dick. Man, the officer was sure pent up. He rested his head next to Hijikata’s proud monument and placed a finger at the tip, pushing it around a bit, obviously teasing the black-haired samurai in more ways than one. 

Hijikata couldn't understand why the pleasurable sensation had stopped, already growing spoiled to Gintoki’s perverse affections. He looked down, only to regret it instantaneously as he saw Gintoki smirking mischievously right next to his aching dick. Fuck, why was this man so unbearably attractive. Hijikata was _so_ fucked. 

Gintoki restarted his sinful ministrations. By the time Hijikata felt like he was close to his climax, he no longer had any control of his lower half. His hips were shaking and acted with a mind of their own as they lifted from the mattress to shove his dick deeper into the wet heat of Gintoki’s mouth. Gintoki, not one to relinquish control, tightened his grip on Hijikata’s ass, fingernails pressing crescent moons into the skin in warning. For some inane reason, that sent Hijikata over the edge as he arched his back—pleasure striking him like lightning through his spine. Stars streaked across his eyelids as he bit hard into his hand to strangle the undoubtedly embarrassing moan from escaping his mouth.

Gintoki watched Hijikata writhe in pleasure, his toes curling and fingers twisting into the blanket. His face was flushed with a cherry-pink hue, droplet of sweats running along the planes of his muscular body. The sugar addict greedily soaked in the visage that was Hijikata. 

‘He has no right being this sexy’ was the only thought racing through Gintoki’s mind. 

The light-haired samurai grabbed a nearby tissue and spit Hijikata’s seed out. He lightly grabbed his lover’s chin and slipped his tongue between Hijikata’s pliant lips, allowing Hijikata to taste himself. 

Knowing that this cherry boy of a samurai would probably let sleep overtake him soon, Gintoki scooped Hijikata up into his arms to take him to the main event, which would of course take place in his bedroom. He carried Hijikata through his threshold like a new bride. 

“Wha—” Hijikata was cut off by a chaste kiss. Somehow that was more embarrassing than everything that Gintoki had done so far. He gingerly laid down the black-haired samurai onto the futon that they’ve shared for the past many nights and begun his campaign to take Hijikata into new realms of pleasure. 

Gintoki only separated himself long enough to take off his shirt. The dark-haired samurai licked his lips as his eyes trailed over Gintoki’s defined abs and pecs. The sinews of his body were gracefully lit by the amber rays of the setting sun. But Hijikata found himself missing the heat of his body and instantly drew Gintoki closer to lessen the maddening gap between them.

Gintoki began with a kiss. But this wasn’t the soft kiss of newlywed couples attempting to put a show on for their families. This was one of the raw, dirty kisses where one was reduced to nothing but the desire running through their veins. Gintoki’s tongue pushed and twirled around Hijikata’s own, whipping it into submission. Their cells were all actively firing at once, refusing to allow their limbs to be idle. Hijikata’s hands found their way to the light-haired samurai’s back, nails scratching down his muscled plains. Whenever the officer brushed past an old scar, he couldn’t help but lightly stroke it, memorizing the shape and feel under the whirls of his fingertips. As Hijikata busied himself mapping his back, Gintoki couldn’t help but grind his imprisoned cock against Hijikata. 

When Gintoki ran out of air, he finally, _finally_ managed to tear himself away from Hijikata to continue his campaign down south. There were many other parts of the dark-haired tsundere that he wanted to familiarize himself with. Hijikata curled his fingers into Gintoki’s hair as the Yorozuya boss trailed hot, open-mouthed kisses on his skin. He stopped at Hijikata’s hardened nipples and licked at the bud. Hijikata hissed, discovering the sensation of Gintoki’s hot, wet tongue on new parts of his body. It was a sensation he would never get used to. Gintoki traced circles around the bud and sucked on it as he pinched the other nipple, not wanting to leave that one abandoned. The light-haired samurai played with Hijikata’s nipples like they were dials that needed some serious tuning. Someday, Gintoki hoped that he could get Hijikata to come with just his nipples, but that was a challenge for another time. 

Gintoki stopped to admire his handiwork. Hijikata was an absolute masterpiece, lying naked on his white futon, begging to be filled to the brim with pleasure. His hand reached out to paw under the side he usually slept on. He pulled out a small bottle of lubricant and a pack of condoms, showing it off like a magician revealing his best trick. 

“WHY DO YOU HAVE THOSE?” Hijikata yelled, a mixture of shock and mortification swirling inside him. He also couldn’t believe that he had been sleeping next to those things all this time. 

Gintoki just shrugged. “It came with the government rations.” Hijikata did not have the energy to rifle through the implications of that statement nor the fact that the man kept the items under his futon. Knowing Gintoki, he was probably too lazy to properly hide them. “Lucky us though,” Gintoki winked as he poured an ample amount of lube onto his fingers. 

He brought a finger to the entrance of Hijikata’s ass, hesitant at the entrance. Gintoki’s red eyes dug into Hijikata’s blue ones, silently asking for permission. Hijikata was too embarrassed to do anything other than nod his acquiesce. With that final measure, Gintoki wasted no time in slowly prodding Hijikata’s entrance, slowly pushing his finger in to allow him to get used to the feel. 

Hijikata stilled, silence falling upon the room as he felt the strange intrusion in his body. Gintoki twisted his finger, exploring the wet heat of Hijikata. He began jacking off his black-haired lover again, encouraging him to relax under his touch. Pretty soon, the trails of moans began coming out of Hijikata as Gintoki flexed his finger just so. Gin started rubbing against that bundle of nerves that was making the rest of Hijikata’s body sing in delight. The sugar addict eventually pushed a second finger in without any protest. Whether they knew it or not, most men had this button inside of them that would submerge them in pleasure when pressed enough times, and today, Gintoki helped Hijikata discover his.

Hijikata was at the mercy of Gintoki’s fingers and there was nothing he could do about it. The officer arched his back beautifully, like a crossbow ready to be fired as Gintoki pressed harder into his walls. Hijikata refused to believe that such desperate sounds were coming from him and so he crossed his arms over his face in order to stifle them. After the light-haired man inserted the third finger, twisting and curling to reach undiscovered depths within Hijikata, the Vice Chief genuinely thought that the magma churning in his stomach would melt him from the inside out. 

When Gintoki felt that Hijikata was fully stretched, he whipped his dick out from its clothed prison and pumped it a few times, smearing a mixture of precome and lubricant. Hijikata looked down as Gintoki stroked his weeping cock and downright whimpered, not knowing how such a _monstrous weapon_ was going to fit inside of him. Veins wrapped around it like rivers coursing through the land; its girth promised to stretch Hijikata thoroughly. But the dirtier part of him, the part that made him bite his lip in anticipation, could not wait to simply be _full_ of Gintoki. 

Scarlet eyes burned into Hijikata as he felt Gintoki line his dick at his entrance, waiting for the Vice Chief’s command. Hijikata gave a simple nod, not having any strength to make another sound. Gintoki pushed in slow at first, hissing as he was enveloped by Hijikata’s tight, wet heat. 

Tears pushed past Hijikata’s eyes as he felt the burn of his hole stretching to accommodate Gintoki length. He slowly pulled out and pushed himself back in, jabbing in that one spot that sent a meteor shower across the back of Hijikata’s eyelids. After repeating these short motions, drawing out sharp gasps out of the tight-lipped tsundere, Gintoki felt it was time to take it to the next level. He drew himself back until just the tip and with only a pause of breath in between, drilled himself back into Hijikata’s delicious heat, aiming for that one spot that shot white, hot lightning up his spine. Hijikata could not help but bite his forearm, refusing to let his moans echo through the walls of the room. He didn’t want to admit that this part of him existed—this part that craved Gintoki from the depths of his being.

A low growl rumbled from deep inside the light-haired samurai’s chest. “Don’t hide yourself from me,” Gintoki commanded as he pulled Hijikata’s arms away from his face. He pinned Hijikata’s wrists on either side of his head, exposing the officer in his entirety. What a sight Hijikata was to behold. Tears sat along his eyeline like jewels. His lips were plump and bitten raw by both Gintoki and himself. And his cheeks were dipped in the most beautiful flush of blossom pink that no master artist would ever hope to capture. Never in a million years would Gintoki ever expect that he would have the dark-haired tsundere in his grasp. Only a madman would ever think of letting Hijikata go.

Gintoki took it a step further and shifted his hips every time he connected fully with Hijikata, grinding against Hijikata’s prostate, forcing Hijikata to discover new depths inside himself.

“Call me by my name.” The sadist inside of Gintoki was finally rearing his head. 

“Yoro...zuya…” Hijikata barely managed to push out between his hard pants. 

Gintoki scoffed. He stopped his sinful rocking into Hijikata’s body, not missing the disappointed whine from the nicotine addict when he did so. “Come on, you know that’s not my name.”

The light-haired samurai repositioned his hands to cup them around Hijikata’s tight ass. “What’s. My. Name?” Gintoki emphasized each word with a deep thrust into Hijikata’s aching hole, short circuiting the black-haired samurai’s brain each time he did so.

The Yorozuya boss must have fucked Hijikata stupid because there was no way that the Vice Chief would have ever called out Gintoki’s name like a dumb whore. What little of Hijikata’s willpower crumbled under the siege of Gintoki’s relentless attacks. 

“Gin...toki... _ahhnnn..._ Gintoki!!” Everything about Hijikata from his desperate whines to his sinful body was divine. Gintoki didn’t know what he would do if he actually grew addicted to Hijikata. 

It would surely be a hard addiction to kick.

Gintoki knew he couldn’t draw this out any longer. If he did, he would end up overdosing on the drug that was Hijikata. He went into overdrive, pistoning into the black-haired tsundere’s weak spot until Hijikata forgot his own name. A large wave pleasure crashed into Hijikata’s core, launching Hijikata into the most mind-numbing orgasm of his life. He came untouched, ribbons of come staining his stomach, a few drops catching at his chin. The pulsing of Hijikata’s tightening hole catapulted Gintoki into his own orgasm. 

Gintoki fell like a tower a top of Hijikata, but he managed to catch himself on his elbows before suffocating his dark-haired lover. The samurai ran a hand through his hair, moving the sweat out of his brow to take a good look at Hijikata. “So, how was that?” he asked, arrogance oozing from his pores, as if he just didn’t fuck Hijikata senseless.

Hijikata wanted to wipe that smirk off of Gintoki’s face, but the tremors of his orgasm still left his limbs useless. “Shut up,” was the listless command as Hijikata used his remaining energy to pull the sugar addict down for a soft, sloppy kiss. Their lips slowly slid against each other like honey—blanketing the lovers with a heavy sweetness. They lost themselves in each other’s taste and touch.

Slowly but surely, the moon welcomed the newfound lovers into its graceful embrace. 

—————————————————— 

Another week passed in the blink of an eye. Gintoki and Hijikata had successfully managed to navigate three weeks without tearing each other apart. Their relative routine was pretty much the same, with a few changes. There were days when Hijikata would have to substitute his exercise with a _really_ long session of lovemaking due to the bastard’s ravenousness.

It wasn’t his fault, okay? It was completely and irrevocably the sugar addict’s fault. For some inane reason, Gintoki just plopped his ass on the couch one day to watch Hijikata stretch. Hijikata assumed he had wanted to read manga or watch TV, but instead of whipping out an old issue of Jump, he just shamelessly whipped out his dick right as the officer had bent over to touch his toes. To his credit, the dark-haired samurai did try to ignore the idiot who was lewdly masturbating in broad daylight behind him.

But the sick, wet slapping sound of Gintoki stroking himself broke down even the strongest of warriors. Hijikata tried yelling at him, calling him a sick fuck. But Gintoki refused to enjoy his side dish in hiding any longer. 

“What is wrong with you?” Hijikata asked calmly despite the blood rushing to his ears. He licked his lips. 

“Where do I even start?” replied Gintoki, following the movement religiously with his eyes. Anyway, long story short, that was how Hijikata ended up being fucked into the couch cushions two days in a row. These days, his hips were always sore, but the current of pleasure running under his skin was a constant, soothing sensation. 

Even with all their disputes in between, Hijikata and Gintoki stuck together like magnets. Currently, the mayo addict was sitting on Gintoki’s lap, kissing the perm-head languidly as Gintoki ran his hand up and down his thighs. They were broken out of their reverie when a barrage of knocks came down upon the door. 

“Toshiiiiii~” a tearful, familiar voice carried across the corridor. 

Hijikata broke the kiss, pushing his palms against the sugar addict to separate himself. His eyes set at the door, eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. “Is that Kondo-san?”

Gintoki kept kissing Hijikata, annoyed at the interruption and tried to draw the man back in, peppering kisses down his neck. “Nooooo, it must be some other gorilla trying to sell us magazine subscriptions or something,” he said, his arms encircling his lover’s waist to keep Hijikata from leaving with no avail. 

“Stop it,” Hijikata said, getting off the couch and ignoring Gintoki’s disappointed whine. “And my commander isn’t a gorilla.” 

“Tell that to his mirror.”

Still wary about breaking the quarantine, Hijikata only cracked the door open to see that it was indeed Kondo, crying like a lost child. 

“Toshi!! Where have you been?!?!” His commander yelled as Hijikata fully opened the door to reveal not only Kondo but Sougo and Gintoki’s crew as well. He was unnerved by the way Otae, Kagura, and Shinpachi were staring at him like he had grown two heads. He looked down at the white and blue yukata he was wearing. Was there a stain of some sort?

“Why are you guys all here?! You’re breaking the city-mandated quarantine!” Hijikata yelled as he immediately covered his mouth with his hand. 

Kondo looked even more perplexed than his Vice Commander. “What are you talking about? Quarantine ended a week ago.” 

Hijikata stilled, trying to make sense of the whole situation. He had stopped watching the news about halfway into the quarantine since they were just spouting the same shit over and over again. And since his phone was broken, the only contact he had to the outside world was Gintoki’s phone. 

“I’ve been in contact with Sougo this whole time and he never notified me that the quarantine was lifted! He just kept saying everything was fine at the barracks!”

Sougo smiled slyly at Hijikata, resembling a cunning fox more so than a human. He shrugged, chewing his gum while he spoke. “Did I forget to mention that the stay-at-home order had been lifted? Oops.” The bubble he had been blowing popped. 

Gintoki interrupted the scene with his entrance. Sluggishly, as if he didn’t have a care in the world, he twisted his pinky in his ear and blew off the earwax. Hijikata hated himself for still finding him attractive despite it all. 

Kagura immediately latched onto Gintoki, hugging him to the point where everyone heard his spine cracked. “Gin-chan, what have you been doing all this time?!!” Gintoki had texted them when the quarantine had been lifted saying that the Yorozuya office wouldn’t open for a while because he had to “take care of some business.” 

Otae gave Hijikata a onceover, not missing the glaring fact that he was wearing Gintoki’s signature yukata. Eyeing the constellation of kiss marks splattered all over Hijikata’s chest, she said, “maybe the better question is _who_ have you been doing all this time?

A full-body blush exploded across Hijikata’s skin as he tried to clumsily pull together the sides of Gintoki’s yukata to hide himself. The absolute shame and embarrassment hit the officer like a soccer ball to the face and he wished that every single God in the universe would smite him where he stood. How was he going to carry himself as the feared Demon Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi knowing that he moaned and whined the Yorozuya’s name over and over again until he lost all sense in the throes of ecstasy? He was never going to live this down. 

Gintoki’s hand slid over his ass amidst Hijikata’s nervous breakdown. 

Kagura was the only one audacious enough to acknowledge the action out loud. “Gin-san, why is your hand on Toshi’s butt?”

“It was an accident,” Gintoki replied matter-of-factly. Hijikata wondered how much of Gintoki's brain cells had wasted away in quarantine as to have devolved to the lecherous pervert standing next to him. 

Sougo looked between the two. “Your hand is still on Hijikata-san’s butt.”

“It’s _still_ an accident.” Just for good measure, he gave Hijikata’s right butt cheek a good squeeze. 

  
Hot, white anger swirled inside of him like magma churning in the earth’s core, ready to crack the surface and fill the world with its rage. Hijikata fully prepared himself to commit seppuku on the spot, and he was going to drag Gintoki down to hell with him. Hijikata Toshirou rued the day he stumbled into the _stupid_ bastard samurai with the even more _stupidly_ handsome face and today, he would make sure that certain samurai would regret it, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter at [luckystars1015](https://twitter.com/luckystars1015) and go wild in ginhiji vibes with me
> 
> The ending was inspired by the beautiful art of [marrbl_](https://twitter.com/marrbl_/status/1211878707247243264) on twitter! 
> 
> I know it's been a really wild time, so I hope this makes your days just a little better :)
> 
> \--  
> Art by me

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [They Were Roommates, with Emphasis on the 'Were'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24315289) by [cultivationtrash (writing_in_the_dark)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_in_the_dark/pseuds/cultivationtrash)




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